Last Days

So here I am enjoying the last days of my summer vacation. This summer I'm a bit sad about summer vacation coming to an end. I know what you're thinking: "Duh, Patty! You're sad because you have to go back to work." Although this is true there is a different sadness to it that I can't quite put my finger on. (Wait, did I say that right, Jen? You know how I get my sayings all mixed up.) I've narrowed it down to a few possible reasons. Maybe if I ramble about my thoughts one of you can pin point it for me. Sort of like free therapy!

This summer I moved into my new house. (Yes, yes, I know I haven't posted pictures. So sorry. Will get those up soon...guess I better take them first!) I've officially lived here for a little over 2 months. A few of you were on the emotional journey with me of trying to find the perfect house for me. Now that I'm all moved in I feel like I'm leaving my child behind whenever I leave it. Then there is the addition of my boyfriend living here to add. I have to say that I've definitely had to adjust to that but things are going good.

Moving to my new house also brought me closer distance wise to my sisters. They both live out where I do and I've become closer to both. I spent so much time with my older sister and her boys. Have to say that right now I'm going through withdrawals because the boys have already started school, and my sister and I are both teachers so we start soon. My other sister and I talk on the phone more often. She's a crazy gal and cracks me up.

This summer I got the calling. I am FINALLY ready to leave the classroom. In 2005 I graduated with my educational leadership degree and passed my certification test to become a principal. Of course you have to be an assistant principal first but I hadn't heard the calling. And I felt like I needed to be an exceptional teacher myself before I could lead teachers to be the best they could be. Well this summer at a leadership conference I sat among assistant principals, principals and counselors. We held conversations and I have to say that I could hold my own. I was knowledgeable and had great input. Although I heard the calling too late and didn't apply for any assistant principal positions, I have applied for a couple of literacy coach positions available at some schools including my school. The thought of leaving the classroom deeply saddens me. But I have a passion and love for curriculum and feel that by helping teachers I'm still helping the students. I have to say that not being a classroom teacher feels like part of my identity is being taken from me. Also, if I were offered that position at another school then I would leave behind all the great people I met when I moved back home.

I will admit that there are some definite ups to going back to work. I do love my job. And if it is God's will for me to remain in the classroom then that is what will happen. I will gladly remain in the classroom. I have many things to be thankful for. A family I actually want to spend time with and miss, a job in a time when things can be uncertain, a boyfriend that loves me unconditionally, and now my very own house. I guess this was the summer of all summers and I'm sad to see it go.

Opps I forgot!!!
I have a fear...that this year will not compare to last year. I had the perfect class, with the perfect teaching situation with my co-teacher, the perfect student intern, perfect parents and perfect co-workers. Last year Jen and I carpooled and we had a blast. I'm sad to let all of that go and to be disappointed this year. So I guess I'm sad and afraid. Great!!!! Now it's two emotions. I'm a mess! :)

Tears...So Sad

According to my Glamour magazine there are 3 things worth crying about

Birth.
Death.
and
Sports.

Just so you know, none of the authors were men. I suppose they are girly girl tomboys like me.

So with that I say good-bye to this year's Spurs season. I'm so sad...but hey...now I can dedicate all of my time to my future house.

Still, I'm very sad.

I Found It

I have feared that I lost my voice. I've been distracted lately by many things currently going on. (Why Spurs, why do you put me under a spell?) I kid. But in all seriousness I feel like I hadn't posted many Patty-quality posts. I'm back! At least I hope so.

I was reading my current issue of Glamour and came across an article called "6 Little Ways to be a Better Friend". My first thought: I'm a great friend, but I think there's always room for improvement. Then the next thought is: Hmmm, what about the friends in my life.

I've been blessed with many wonderful friendships in my life. Past and present. Each person brings their unique personality. Yet when I saw this article I thought of my best friend, Edie. Am I a good friend? And how can I be better? Sadly, when I moved back home almost 4 years ago I had to leave Edie behind. (Believe me...I tried to bring her but no luck!) Although our friendship is still strong as ever, and when I visit or she visits, it's as if nothing has changed, it was hard for me when I first moved back home.

A little history about our friendship. I was hired a year after Edie at my old school. Both January hires. She taught 3rd and I was in 5th. Our paths never crossed much, even though our school was tiny. Then in May we found out that she would be moved to 5th and my fellow teammate would go to 3rd. I was a little worried because by nature I'm a super dork and Edie seemed so prim and proper. No fun at all. Summer came and went and when we got back we found out Edie was pregnant and was due in March. Yikes...TAKS. But bottom line, our principal had her reasons for moving teachers around and Edie was there to stay. As the year went on Edie and I engaged in our own "bromance". She become a close friend. That was year one. Unfortunately, thanks to the Texas education system one 5th grade section was cut and Edie went back to 3rd. Our friendship was solid and we just became closer.

I guess to explain why I missed Edie so much I have to mention that I became a part of her family. I had Sunday dinner at her mom's with all her family. Her mom (Connie), her aunt (Ida), Edie and I had breakfast every Saturday and Sunday mornings followed by some kind of shopping. Sundays were grocery shopping day, which we did together also. I ended up renting from Ida and she became my landlord. Actually, sometimes Ida and I went out together. And during the week we sometimes went to dinner and we always had at least one weekly run to either Target or Wal-mart. All this time her son, Nathan, also came with us so he became like my family too. I attended all their family occassions such as birthdays, baptisms, and even took a day off to help with her twin brother's wedding. All in all, I felt right at home. Edie became more like a sister than a best friend. And to tell you the truth, I always consulted with Edie on things from boys to buying furniture. I could count on her to tell it the way it was.

I appreciated that Edie took me in. My dad even joked one time that Connie was going to claim me as a dependent on her income tax because I was there so much. After a couple of years of this I think I began to grow a home-sickness. Spending all this time with her family made me miss my family all that much more. So I decided to move home and I left my best friend and sister behind. We're still very much in each other's lives but it's a little different. I guess I miss her a lot right now while I'm on my house hunting adventure. She'd be right there with me, viewing every house by my side.

So back to the article. I hope you guys find these tips useful in reflecting. I know I did. (Sorry I was so long-winded, but I hadn't really talked about Edie much and she's a huge part of my life in San Antonio.)

Tip 1
Put her (or him) on your to-do list
This made me sad because I have been guilty of letting weeks go by before I call Edie or a few other out of town friends. Shame on me. But I think using a to-do list will keep us focused on what makes us healthy. Glamour recommends not letting life keep you too busy and to try to plan a weekly gathering with friends.

Tip 2
Be there in the bad times
This is hard for those of us that don't always know what to do or say. However, just being there is enough most of the time.

Tip 3
Don't over advise
Ha, I'm super bad at this one. I'm one of those say exactly what you're thinking at the time you're thinking it kinda gals. I just feel like I'd want people to be brutally honest with me so I think that's what everyone wants. It's not! Only give advice when it's requested. Otherwise, shut up.

Tip 4
Accept her weaknesses
Go to certain friends when you're looking for something in particular. If someone is too playful then go to them when you're looking for a distraction or for a fun night out on the town. But don't penalize people if you know that's how they are. Me: bad listener most of the time. But I try!

Tip 5
Be cash-conscious
Go to places that will make everyone comfortable. Don't go to ritzy places if your buddy is on a tight budget.

Tip 6
Look out for her even when she's not looking
I don't need to explain this one. Thanks Jen, for scouting out potential houses for me.

Not Meant To Be

As it turns out the beautiful house I saw yesterday already had a contract on it and they will be closing on it next week. It wasn't meant to be. My realtor and I will keep looking for another house that speaks to me. I'm hopefully optimistic.

My Sports Made Me Soooooooooo Sad

Those of you that have been reading my blog for a while know that I LOVE the San Antonio Spurs. At 5:43 today I received a text from the Spurs (yes, I subscribe to their texts) that Manu Ginobili will not be playing for the rest of the season or for the playoffs. This is so devastating to me and makes me so sad. And as I mentioned yesterday I'm slightly in an emotional funk as it is so this is not helping the situation. If you want to know how deep my love for Manu is just click on his name in the label cloud.

For those of you that don't know, Manu Ginobili is my favorite Spurs player. This year he's been battling injuries and he was finally back after missing 19 games. He was even in the starting lineup. Every year for the playoffs I wear my Manu jersey pin. I made it myself out of crafting foam. Yes I'm a dork but my kids love it.

The Spurs are even a part of my family. Horacio is now a Spurs fan and a HUGE Manu fan. And the Spurs have brought my dad and I closer. Not to mention that it helps keep the tomboy in me happy.

It truly is a sad day for me. Just know that I take my sports very seriously. I blog about the Dallas Cowboys and their struggles but I love the Spurs and how they truly represent the definition of team. Sure there are better players than Manu but he along with the other members make a unique and inspiring team. I'm extremely sad right now.

Insight Into My Messed Up Head

Note: If you've always wanted to be a therapist or counselor then here's your chance. Read on for insight into Patty's messed up head.

In the past I've been careful not to share too much personal stuff. I know I've shared some of my concerns and embarrassing moments. Remember the time I told y'all I forgot to shave my legs when I had a pedicure? And I've told y'all how I think I need to become healthier and even posted pictures. All somewhat personal. But today I've got to share an issue that I don't think I can resolve easily. Not that losing a bunch of weight is easy. And this may seem the wrong place to share my most personal fears and issues. But I've read some amazing blogs from some remarkable women who have shared their personal stories even when it was so hard. I get the feeling that by sharing my story and issues I will feel better. All of you have been so supportive and caring so I know that it won't be different this time. I'm lucky to have made such wonderful blogging friends. And in some cases the friendships have moved into the real world. So thanks and here goes...

I'm fat. Well I'm not just fat but really fat. And all my life I've been waiting for the one guy that really likes me for me. To be fair to other guys in my life there have been a few others but I can't say I felt intense feelings for them. I finally met a guy that loves me for me. I mean loves ALL of me exactly the way I am And he constantly tells me this. He says sweet things. Things about my personality, mind, and body. You would think this is what I've been longing for, right? A man I can love that loves me for me and can see past all my insecurities. However, even though I have NO doubt he is sincere my stupid head doesn't believe it. It's a constant struggle between my head and heart. And I hate that I can't control my head and make it follow my heart. I wish I could just let this go.

If you ask anyone I talk to on a regular basis I can't help but talk about my boyfriend. I love to share how sweet he is and how he makes me feel. The problem is that I can't completely believe it. And my biggest fear now is that I will lose him because of my insecurities. My messed up head keeps questioning him. I may not do it out loud or tell him but I do question it.

Lots of people think I've got it all together. That I'm at peace with how I look. And for the most part I am. I'm a big girl, I'm trying to get healthier, and I love the me I am. But now that I have this man that wants me in every way I can't help but have worries and doubts. Stupid, right? Why worry? But when society tells you that fat is bad and that men who love girls like us are not normal, what else am I supposed to think? I know that I shouldn't care what society thinks. And screw society...I'm a catch. But try telling my head that.

I know you may be thinking why blog about a relationship so new. What if it doesn't last? My answer to that is this: I am learning so much about myself right now. And if I can overcome my issue and let my head and heart become one then I don't ever want to forget the journey. I may or may not be with Matt forever. But whatever happens I'm opening up and learning so much. So in this respect I'm also becoming a New Patty.

I talked to Matt about blogging and posting pictures about him. He said that he didn't mind. I respect the fact that so many significant others prefer to stay out of the blogging world. But the fact that he supports this is another example of how he lets me be me and makes me happy. Even though Matt is okay with me blogging about him I realize there will be instances where privacy will be appreciated. I'm not going to tell y'all everything about us. But since this is a post about my journey I feel the need to be a little more open with what goes on with us.

To give you a better picture of how great of a guy Matt is I will share this. I've mentioned that I met Matt online in October. We met in person in December and I freaked out. I'm so independent and used to being on my own that I was overwhelmed with the couple stuff and all the togetherness. I know funny, right? Isn't it usually the man that freaks out? I'm a self-proclaimed girly girl tomboy. But I hadn't realized I was a commitment phobe. Yet when I shared this with Matt he backed off, he understood, he gave me my space, and he waited patiently for me to decide. I can't say many guys would have waited for me to do that.

I'm not really expecting to solve my issue tonight or anytime soon. But I feel like sharing my fear with you I can exhale and let it go a bit. I'm still a work in progress. I guess I'm hoping that my messed up head clears up sometime in the future and joins my heart in the land of happiness sooner than later.

In Love

Simple question (or not)...Why does love have to be so hard sometimes?

I watched the movie Seven Pounds yesterday and today I'm watching the Hallmark movie. Needless to say it's put me in a very reflective mood. I'd appreciate all input.

So Silly, I Know

I know it's stupid but I hate that I'm turning 30. This week is my last week of being in my 20's.

Oh the Drama

I am an out in the open celebrity gossip aholic. I read it everyday to stay up to date with the latest happenings. Right now I am very much in a frenzy because of all the latest Twilight/New Moon developments. I very much like the actor that plays Jacob but they don't want him back. Read all about it...I'm too sad to talk about it.

A Little Sad

I know many people feel strongly against others airing their dirty laundry online. However, I'm the kind of person that HATES to keep things inside. And since I've come to think of many of you as friends, well I thought I would share this bit of my personal life. Also, in case I'm not too witty or funny in the upcoming days y'all will know why.
Almost two months ago I joined a group online. Not at all with the intention of finding love or even for dating. I did it to find people that had stuff in common with me and find some online friends. This is why I didn't join those online match-making sites. I honestly wasn't looking for a man.
A few days later I came across a few people that I wasn't sure where they lived. Texas is a huge state so I always like to learn about new places. So I started communicating with a man. (Yeah, yeah, I know that I should have known that long distance relationships don't work.) At first it was very friendly but then things just clicked and it became more. I want to spare everyone all the details (except Jen, sorry), but I'm afraid things have not gone well lately. And so now I'm a little bit sad about it.
But I have to say...and I've been meaning to comment on Happy Fun Pants' blog that I'm still hopelessly optimistic. Not about this particular man but in general. If we lost all hope what would we be left with? My advice to anyone wanting to try online dating is to go for it.
So please bare with me if I'm not myself for a few days. But ya know I thrive and live off of humor. It's me. And it's sort of my medicine. And I think it's time I start looking into other hobbies and possibly volunteering my time. I've actually already looked into a couple of places so I should just make the call.
Thanks y'all for listening and I can't wait to be myself again.

I try to do a nice thing and this is what I get.

I found out a few days ago that because I was poked twice and was unsuccessful that I can't give blood until December 27th. What??? That means that I will not be able to meet my mission of donating blood this month. I so sad about that. I'm not even going to be in town on December 27th. What a bummer!

The Secret Life of Bees

As promised I wanted to tell y'all about the movie. I love going to the movies. I enjoy all sorts of movies. Today I went to watch The Secret Life of Bees. I do enjoy the occasional chick flick as long as it's not too sappy. But I most enjoy chick flicks with a message. Today's movie touched my heart. I can't say often that I see a movie that knocks the wind out of you, but this was definitely one. In ways that I can not really voice I connected with this movie. And the message I got from the movie was to live life to the fullest. Never let past experiences, pride, or fear get in the way of life and love. I have to say that for many reasons I related to many characters. So I strongly suggest that all of you go see this movie. But don't forget to bring your kleenex. I'm so glad I passed on mascara today.

Depressed

Everyone that knows me knows that I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. If such a place as Christmas Town existed I would move there. I don't love it because of any one particular thing but a combination of things. First, I love the fact that it's cold and I can drink hot coffee whenever I want without getting hot. I love to bundle up in my scarf, beenie, and gloves. Some would argue that it doesn't get that cold here, but it does. Next, I love the smell in the air. It's a combination of baked goods, vanilla, firewood, and the cold. (Is that a smell? I seem to think so.) And not to mention the fact that I LOVE to decorate for the occasion. Actually, I used to decorate my house in San Antonio for all holidays but due to currentl living conditions I don't right now. I love to put up my tree decked out in whatever the theme for the year is. One year I did blue, white, and silver. The next year I did a...hmm...not sure what you would call it but it had pillow-like reindeer, santas, and gingerbread men. The third year I did a candyland theme full of sweets and color. Lastly, I love to go driving around the city looking at decorated and lit houses. I did it in San Antonio, too. Here at home I usually drive to a well-known neighborhood to gaze at their decorations. We also have our own version of the "Budweiser Christmas House". And we always take a stroll around downtown and our university. The university has something called the Season of Lights. All the trees and buildings are lit with white lights. Sadly this year there will be no Season of Lights. After 16 years it is cancelled. Damn economy!

: (

Manu needs surgery. Boo hoo.

Keep Taking Hit After Hit

So today I found out that Twilight Saga author, Stephanie Meyer, will not be releasing Midnight Sun. This is a book she was writing from Edward, the vampire's, point of view. Those of us that have joined the world of Twilight have come to love the characters. Even though I know what happens in Twilight I wanted to read it from Edward's perspective instead of Bella. I have to say that this was my favorite book of the series. I know you may be thinking that this is such a petty thing to be sad about but when you're already feeling sad it just makes it feel worse. At least Meyer has posted the draft she wrote on her website. It's unfinished and full of flaws, as she says, but I'm eager to read it. The weird thing is that I was just on her site yesterday so she must have added this later. As it turns out someone put her draft on the internet and now she doesn't want to finish it. I can understand and I admire her because I know she truly loves her characters and isn't in it for the money. So another saddening event to add to my life.

The Image I Was Dreading

This is an image I didnt' want to see. I am deeply saddened. Nothing can make me feel better, not for a long time.

Yay! Argentina Wins the Bronze Metal! Boo Hoo the Spurs are not too Happy

Just like their first game, Argentina ended up playing Lithuania. This time however, they won. If Argentina had won that first game they would have been first in group A and then played China. I'm almost positive they then would have beat Spain and gone on to play the USA for the gold medal. However I must say that I am still very proud of my man and his team. Unfortunately, Manu was not able to play in the bronze medal game. I didn't watch the game but it would have made me sad not to see Manu play. Again, I'm afraid for him and the upcoming Spurs season. This article made me teary-eyed.

I love you, Manu. Get better soon.

A Tragedy Indeed

Most of you know that I love the San Antonio Spurs because I lived in San Antonio for 9 years. I went there for school and stayed to teach. I had a horrific night yesterday. My friend Ruben texted me to tell me that the university where I got my undergraduate degree was on fire. To my absolute horror the school was engulfed in flames. According to the news report they had been fighting the fire for an hour already. I watched helplessly for two additional hours and still the fire was going. One news report said that more than half of the city's fire fighters were there. All though I was emotional and teary-eyed I didn't actually start crying until the news station showed footage of what the school looked like before. Another example of not taking anything for granted. I know it may just be a building but I lived there for 4 and half years and was very much involved with campus life. I'm mostly sad that future generations won't be able to enjoy it's original charm and architecture. Also, the school is located on one of the oldest and poorest sides of town. The school was a symbol of pride for many there. Not only was it one of the most historic buildings in San Antonio, but one of the most well respected. It is truly a loss.
Today I searched the web for pictures of the aftermath. I wanted to see what was left of my school. It made me even sadder but I didn't want to cry at school. I'm so fortunate to have such great friends. Most of my close friends called me yesterday or texted me with messages of sympathy. A couple of them that went to school with me were speechless.
Despite this tremendous tragedy there is a positive outcome. The statue of the Virgin Mary survived as did the chapel. It is a beautiful chapel. If I wanted to get married there I would have to get on the 6 - 7 year waiting list.
And yet, through all the heart break and costly damage, the founders of the school, the Sisters of Divine Providence were hopeful. One sister said that bad things happen but it's how you respond to them that is the real test. They said that the fire was sad and devastating but they would ultimately rebuild. And so as an alumni I will support the cause in whatever way I can.

Tears

Dear Spurs,

Where have you gone? I miss you. I don't understand how you could have lost 6 of the last seven games. I know your schedule lately has been tough but you are the Champions. I hope to see you all in the upcoming games. Have I told you that I miss you? However, like a true fan I will not abandon you. At least you still have my hunny, Manu. He is amazing but can't do it all himself. So, till we meet again.

Love,
Me

Good-bye, Brent

Today I received my daily (almost daily) text from the Spurs. And to my disappointment I learned that Brent Barry has been traded to Seattle. I know what you are thinking. He's hurt and he hasn't contributed to the Spurs in a long time but hey, hasn't he come through for us many times? My favorite guy is Manu of course but I loved Brent Barry too. So I am deeply saddened. I know that the Spurs are a business but it still makes me tear up. Good-bye, Brent. I will miss you.