It just occurred to me that I've been using Twitter and Facebook as a blog. Why do that when I have an actual blog? I've enjoyed going back and reading previous posts so I really need to make an effort to post more often. Even if it's just for me. 

It's been two months since my last post. I have to say that I am feeling so much better. Do I have bad days? Of course. I miss Matt. But for the most part, I'm doing pretty darn good. I've managed to keep myself busy and that has been a life-saver. 

What has kept me so busy you ask? Being a teacher and arts and crafts. I've thrown myself into my work trying to be a better teacher. And I think my class really benefited from this. We are as close as a teacher and class can be. 18 peas in a pod (17 kids and me). Then my re-commitment to crafting. It makes me so happy so why not do it more consistently?

It's not a bad thing either that I'm extremely focused on the Spurs and their NBA Playoffs efforts. GO SPURS GO. I noticed my mood wasn't as pleasant since they were resting for over a week waiting for their next opponent. Yes, sports affects me that much. It's a great feeling actually.

As to the current status of my empty room...well today my BIL brought an old exercise bike for me. It's actually the one my parents had when I was growing up. It's made its rounds to various homes and now came to live with me. Hopefully, I can start slowly and get healthy. For reals this time. "Slow and steady wins the race", right?

As I end my post I want to wish all the mamas the Happiest of Mother's Days. And someone tweeted that for mothers struggling with infertility it's the hardest day of the year. So a prayer to all the mamas to be and women hoping to be mamas. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Til next time! Happy upcoming week to all!!!!

I Ponder Endlessly

I was on Facebook catching up with friends when I linked over to my friend's new blog. I am so excited and proud that she has decided to tackle the giant task of training for a marathon. What I'm most impressed with is that she by no means is your "marathon usual" person. She, like so many of us, is not in the best physical shape. And somehow I believe she will do exactly what she sets out to do.

And so now I am lost in thought at how hard it is for me to get motivated in losing weight. I know that for those of you that have read my blog for a while you know how I've tried over,and over to beat the obesity demon but just can't. And so I asked myself what is the difference between those that succeed and those that do not? What did they do that the others did not? I know for me I've realized that I make justifications excuses that lead to my failure. Everything from how expensive eating healthy is to lack of support. Oh and not to mention that being a teacher doesn't help. Often we are "buttered" up with sweets and mountains of sugary, sweet things.

And to be honest, I'm not sure what my purpose in writing this post was. Was it for input? Was it to just put down on paper, err on the internet, a more solid plan? Or was it just to clear my head? In the end, I think God will unveil his plan for me. Yet as I'm about ready to to publish this post I've had one last thought. I know that I can be healthier, and I know that I want to live longer, but is it also possible that I am happy exactly the way I am? And maybe, just maybe that was God's plan all along.

Dear God,
I know that I've had many such conversations with you about what my place is in this world. I wonder if I'm really doing what you set out for me to do. And now I'm adding one more question. In a world where most people are so health conscious, is it possible to just be happy even though I know I am unhealthy? Is that part of your plan too?
Terribly confused,
Patty

Note: I'm sorry to those who may be offended that I just publicly posted my letter to God.

I Found It

I have feared that I lost my voice. I've been distracted lately by many things currently going on. (Why Spurs, why do you put me under a spell?) I kid. But in all seriousness I feel like I hadn't posted many Patty-quality posts. I'm back! At least I hope so.

I was reading my current issue of Glamour and came across an article called "6 Little Ways to be a Better Friend". My first thought: I'm a great friend, but I think there's always room for improvement. Then the next thought is: Hmmm, what about the friends in my life.

I've been blessed with many wonderful friendships in my life. Past and present. Each person brings their unique personality. Yet when I saw this article I thought of my best friend, Edie. Am I a good friend? And how can I be better? Sadly, when I moved back home almost 4 years ago I had to leave Edie behind. (Believe me...I tried to bring her but no luck!) Although our friendship is still strong as ever, and when I visit or she visits, it's as if nothing has changed, it was hard for me when I first moved back home.

A little history about our friendship. I was hired a year after Edie at my old school. Both January hires. She taught 3rd and I was in 5th. Our paths never crossed much, even though our school was tiny. Then in May we found out that she would be moved to 5th and my fellow teammate would go to 3rd. I was a little worried because by nature I'm a super dork and Edie seemed so prim and proper. No fun at all. Summer came and went and when we got back we found out Edie was pregnant and was due in March. Yikes...TAKS. But bottom line, our principal had her reasons for moving teachers around and Edie was there to stay. As the year went on Edie and I engaged in our own "bromance". She become a close friend. That was year one. Unfortunately, thanks to the Texas education system one 5th grade section was cut and Edie went back to 3rd. Our friendship was solid and we just became closer.

I guess to explain why I missed Edie so much I have to mention that I became a part of her family. I had Sunday dinner at her mom's with all her family. Her mom (Connie), her aunt (Ida), Edie and I had breakfast every Saturday and Sunday mornings followed by some kind of shopping. Sundays were grocery shopping day, which we did together also. I ended up renting from Ida and she became my landlord. Actually, sometimes Ida and I went out together. And during the week we sometimes went to dinner and we always had at least one weekly run to either Target or Wal-mart. All this time her son, Nathan, also came with us so he became like my family too. I attended all their family occassions such as birthdays, baptisms, and even took a day off to help with her twin brother's wedding. All in all, I felt right at home. Edie became more like a sister than a best friend. And to tell you the truth, I always consulted with Edie on things from boys to buying furniture. I could count on her to tell it the way it was.

I appreciated that Edie took me in. My dad even joked one time that Connie was going to claim me as a dependent on her income tax because I was there so much. After a couple of years of this I think I began to grow a home-sickness. Spending all this time with her family made me miss my family all that much more. So I decided to move home and I left my best friend and sister behind. We're still very much in each other's lives but it's a little different. I guess I miss her a lot right now while I'm on my house hunting adventure. She'd be right there with me, viewing every house by my side.

So back to the article. I hope you guys find these tips useful in reflecting. I know I did. (Sorry I was so long-winded, but I hadn't really talked about Edie much and she's a huge part of my life in San Antonio.)

Tip 1
Put her (or him) on your to-do list
This made me sad because I have been guilty of letting weeks go by before I call Edie or a few other out of town friends. Shame on me. But I think using a to-do list will keep us focused on what makes us healthy. Glamour recommends not letting life keep you too busy and to try to plan a weekly gathering with friends.

Tip 2
Be there in the bad times
This is hard for those of us that don't always know what to do or say. However, just being there is enough most of the time.

Tip 3
Don't over advise
Ha, I'm super bad at this one. I'm one of those say exactly what you're thinking at the time you're thinking it kinda gals. I just feel like I'd want people to be brutally honest with me so I think that's what everyone wants. It's not! Only give advice when it's requested. Otherwise, shut up.

Tip 4
Accept her weaknesses
Go to certain friends when you're looking for something in particular. If someone is too playful then go to them when you're looking for a distraction or for a fun night out on the town. But don't penalize people if you know that's how they are. Me: bad listener most of the time. But I try!

Tip 5
Be cash-conscious
Go to places that will make everyone comfortable. Don't go to ritzy places if your buddy is on a tight budget.

Tip 6
Look out for her even when she's not looking
I don't need to explain this one. Thanks Jen, for scouting out potential houses for me.

Random Randomness 3

I've had bits of random things running around in my head. Some are statements, some are questions, and some are just thoughts. Whatever...here goes.

Dear San Antonio Spurs,
You're down 3 games to 1. That means that one more game and you're out. I knew the day would come when you weren't the best but honestly, it's not this year. We get it...Manu is out but the rest of you have to help poor Tony. He can't keep scoring 43 out of 90 points. HE'S ONLY ONE GUY! Please help him!!!! Poor guy probably doesn't have any energy for Eva when he gets home.
Your obsessed and devoted fan (even when you're about to lose),
Patty

Why do people think they need to get their point across by resorting to violence?

R.I.P. Bea Arthur. I grew up watching Golden Girls. Even though I didn't understand all the sexual innuendos until I watched the reruns as an adult.

NFL Draft...it's going to be interesting for sure next year.

Will all the stuff I own fit in the wonderful future house I buy? Oh no....what about Matt's stuff?

Two migraines in one week really SUCKS!

Why does it have to be such a busy time right now? The end-of-the-year for teachers is an insane time! What else will they ask us to do?

Tomorrow is our first Biggest Loser weigh-in and Patty has not fared well. Yuck! I wish I was more like Bonnie. But...I am eating healthier.

When did my font change? I was typing this post with one and now it's become another.

House hunting is exhausting. However, when you find a great realtor like mine, it makes the experience that much more enjoyable. Even my brother likes this family. And he doesn't like anyone.

I probably should've saved more money.

Why aren't cupcake shops in Austin open on Mondays? What do they have against Mondays?

Oh my, Matt just called me. Love to hear his voice. He's a sweet guy. I wanted to see how he felt about having parties at our house. Can I say: Best.Boyfriend.Ever. Everyone that knows me knows I'm big on entertaining so the fact that I didn't know how he felt about this made me nervous. And guess what? He's totally okay with it. As long as it's not all the time. Yeah, even I can't party all the time. Karaoke at Patty's. OMG at my very own house.

Last random thought: What am I going to eat for dinner? Update: I ate some of my yummy new cereal, a banana, and whole wheat toast. Scrumptous!!!

Not Meant To Be

As it turns out the beautiful house I saw yesterday already had a contract on it and they will be closing on it next week. It wasn't meant to be. My realtor and I will keep looking for another house that speaks to me. I'm hopefully optimistic.

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

I get it. Everyone hates my posts about sports. Yet I love sports and they are such a huge part of me. Nonetheless, I get that y'all don't like reading about them much. So...

I haven't shared with everyone yet that I'm considering buying a house. What prompted me to start looking you ask? Well I've mentioned that Matt will be moving here in the summer. I figured we'd get an apartment. However, after looking at a few properties and a few estimates the cost would be almost the same so why not own instead of rent? And in the next week I'll be making my final payment on my car! My car will be mine!!!

I'm extremely nervous just because buying a house is a huge step. Yet, all the signs are there encouraging me to buy. I've seen a few houses and I'm viewing another one tomorrow. I have to say that from the outside it's very cute. My parents and I walked around it and looked in the windows. Also cute. And we walked in the backyard. Big with tons of potential and I can see future fiestas happening there. I guess you can say I really love the house. If it's meant to be it will. Keep your fingers crossed.

Only other New Patty news is that I had to cancel my Curves membership. Are the Curves in everyone else's cities closing too? They merged two Curves making it's new location very far. And transferring was not an option because the others near me also closed. Boo hoo! To make up for this I've finally started walking at a park near my house with my cousin. The weather is getting nicer and great walking weather.

Slowly but surely I'm still embarking on my journey. All I know is that I'm definitely walking on new ground and that however frightening it is, it's also extremely exciting.

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

AHA!!! I can't believe no one called me on my lack of commenting on the New Patty progress. I didn't post last week or yesterday.

Who am I kidding? I know y'all are as busy as I am. It's all good. I will report my re-commitment to me. I'm now back on track. I'll report back on Sundays as usual.

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

I almost forgot that I needed to post my usual Sunday progress. The most positive thing that happened this week was that we are underway in our Biggest Loser Contest. We all are committing to 6 months of healthy living. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that I kick some ass in the next coming months.

One unfortunate event this week was that I received a letter telling me that my Curves was merging with another Curves. This one will not be as close and it will be inconvenient for me to go to. So I think I will have to cancel my membership and rely strictly on walking with my dad.

On a different note, I'm sorry my posts have not been more interesting lately. I can't believe how tired I've been since coming back from spring break. I think all the traveling took it's toll on me. I'm not as young as I used to be. I am 30, remember?

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

Please don't even ask!

Spring Break = Bad Patty

I'm now heading into detox

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

This post will be short because I'm writing from San Antonio and I'm on spring break. Y'all know what that means? I may fall victim to bad choices. I will try very hard. Really, I will.

This week I did manage to make it to Curves...um just once. But I continued on my drink more water kick.

Not much else to tell or confess about. Thanks for listening. Talk to y'all soon.

Insight Into My Messed Up Head

Note: If you've always wanted to be a therapist or counselor then here's your chance. Read on for insight into Patty's messed up head.

In the past I've been careful not to share too much personal stuff. I know I've shared some of my concerns and embarrassing moments. Remember the time I told y'all I forgot to shave my legs when I had a pedicure? And I've told y'all how I think I need to become healthier and even posted pictures. All somewhat personal. But today I've got to share an issue that I don't think I can resolve easily. Not that losing a bunch of weight is easy. And this may seem the wrong place to share my most personal fears and issues. But I've read some amazing blogs from some remarkable women who have shared their personal stories even when it was so hard. I get the feeling that by sharing my story and issues I will feel better. All of you have been so supportive and caring so I know that it won't be different this time. I'm lucky to have made such wonderful blogging friends. And in some cases the friendships have moved into the real world. So thanks and here goes...

I'm fat. Well I'm not just fat but really fat. And all my life I've been waiting for the one guy that really likes me for me. To be fair to other guys in my life there have been a few others but I can't say I felt intense feelings for them. I finally met a guy that loves me for me. I mean loves ALL of me exactly the way I am And he constantly tells me this. He says sweet things. Things about my personality, mind, and body. You would think this is what I've been longing for, right? A man I can love that loves me for me and can see past all my insecurities. However, even though I have NO doubt he is sincere my stupid head doesn't believe it. It's a constant struggle between my head and heart. And I hate that I can't control my head and make it follow my heart. I wish I could just let this go.

If you ask anyone I talk to on a regular basis I can't help but talk about my boyfriend. I love to share how sweet he is and how he makes me feel. The problem is that I can't completely believe it. And my biggest fear now is that I will lose him because of my insecurities. My messed up head keeps questioning him. I may not do it out loud or tell him but I do question it.

Lots of people think I've got it all together. That I'm at peace with how I look. And for the most part I am. I'm a big girl, I'm trying to get healthier, and I love the me I am. But now that I have this man that wants me in every way I can't help but have worries and doubts. Stupid, right? Why worry? But when society tells you that fat is bad and that men who love girls like us are not normal, what else am I supposed to think? I know that I shouldn't care what society thinks. And screw society...I'm a catch. But try telling my head that.

I know you may be thinking why blog about a relationship so new. What if it doesn't last? My answer to that is this: I am learning so much about myself right now. And if I can overcome my issue and let my head and heart become one then I don't ever want to forget the journey. I may or may not be with Matt forever. But whatever happens I'm opening up and learning so much. So in this respect I'm also becoming a New Patty.

I talked to Matt about blogging and posting pictures about him. He said that he didn't mind. I respect the fact that so many significant others prefer to stay out of the blogging world. But the fact that he supports this is another example of how he lets me be me and makes me happy. Even though Matt is okay with me blogging about him I realize there will be instances where privacy will be appreciated. I'm not going to tell y'all everything about us. But since this is a post about my journey I feel the need to be a little more open with what goes on with us.

To give you a better picture of how great of a guy Matt is I will share this. I've mentioned that I met Matt online in October. We met in person in December and I freaked out. I'm so independent and used to being on my own that I was overwhelmed with the couple stuff and all the togetherness. I know funny, right? Isn't it usually the man that freaks out? I'm a self-proclaimed girly girl tomboy. But I hadn't realized I was a commitment phobe. Yet when I shared this with Matt he backed off, he understood, he gave me my space, and he waited patiently for me to decide. I can't say many guys would have waited for me to do that.

I'm not really expecting to solve my issue tonight or anytime soon. But I feel like sharing my fear with you I can exhale and let it go a bit. I'm still a work in progress. I guess I'm hoping that my messed up head clears up sometime in the future and joins my heart in the land of happiness sooner than later.

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

This is week 2 of reporting my New Patty results. Actually it's week 3 of the adventure, but only week 2 of reporting. One week went unreported. Ha, it was the week I actually exercised!

Boo hoo! Again, I didn't make it to Curves. There has just been too much to do at school. I know, I know...NO EXCUSES!!! And this is why I am so disappointed in myself. I know we all have those weeks where time is the enemy. I just have to make me the priority (as selfish as that sounds).

On the upside I did get music loaded on my new iPod Nano. Now I'm ready to head back to Curves. (Yup, I'll be there on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday!) And I've got my TiVo connected and running so I can record my shows and start my walking dates with my dad. I hope to start that this week. On a side note I bought myself new Curves shoes for my circuit workout. Yaaayyyyyyy!!!! Hmmm. Maybe I should be keeping a tab on how much the New Patty is costing me...LOL!

And in a new development my cousins and my family are going to embark on our second "Biggest Loser" competition. However, this time we are going to make it a longer competition. Instead of 3 months like last time we've decided to do 6 months. I had a problem with the short turn around because some people (cough, cough, like my dad) went cold turkey just to win the money instead of really changing their lifestyle. This is what I really want to do. Make over my lifestyle so that I live healthier for the rest of my life. The thing about joining the Biggest Loser is that I have no intention of winning. (Remember I have no target weight loss goal in mind.) I'm joining it because I'm a team player and because by going through this process together, it bonds my family.

Things I did right: Um...nothing but get mad at myself.
.
Things I need to work on next week: Exercise and spend less money.

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

First of all I want to say thanks to all of you that have inspired, supported, and encouraged me in my decision to become a healthier me. (For those of you new to my blog please click here for the New Patty). I've decided to title my weekly progress posts "Cloudy with a chance of Sunshine" because I figured that metaphorically I'm trying to "de-cloud" my life with bits of sunshine. I also wanted to tie in my love for Little Miss Sunshine. Truth be told for years now whenever someone asked what symbol I associated myself with I always drew a sun. They make me happy.

So without further ado...

Week 1

Not sure if it's a good thing or bad but things were rather slow this week. Unfortunately, I didn't get to make it to Curves, but I did manage to maintain portion control of my meals and drink more water. Also, the reason I didn't make it to Curves was because I was helping my assistant principal prepare for TAKS. Good for me if I ever decide to be an assistant principal.

I think the most important thing that will help the New Patty are the purchases of a TiVo and an iPod nano today. If y'all remember the TiVo will help me feel less tied up with tv and I can get to walking with my dad. The IPod nano will get me moving when I'm actually at Curves or walking. I'm so thrilled to have my new toys.

Aside from that, there isn't much to update y'all on. The way I see it baby steps are the way to go. I'm still happy, motivated, inspired and excited. And if I can keep feeling like that I'm still on track.

A First For Patty

As I mentioned in my previous post I'm taking a few "simple" steps to make my life and soul healthier. Simple because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what you need to do, but not so simple because sometimes the most simple things are the hardest to do. Does that make sense?

Today I took my first step in my entertainment component. I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The movie itself was great. I will say it was heartbreaking but the love story is one of the best I've seen in a while. The best part was the experience. I LOVED going to the movies alone. As mentioned many times, I am a tomboy and I hate to show any real emotion about anything...especially sad and touching moments that result in tears. I have been known to do it but I don't like it. Watching the movie alone gave me the opportunity to feel as I wanted without feeling self conscious about it. The only downfall was that when I had to pee (the movie is almost 3 hours) I had to take my stuff with me. There are some movies that I think are funner to watch with a friend. So I won't be watching all movies alone.

So here's to continuing on my adventure.

Random

Heath Ledger just won the Supporting Actor Oscar!!! I'm so sad it happened when he was gone but he deserved it. I actually think he deserved it in 2005 for Brokeback Mountain but that's just my opinion. His family gave a touching speech. Brought tears to my eyes. Good thing I was alone.

The New Patty

I'm sure I've kept everyone in suspense (kidding) with the latest "New Patty" stuff. I have to say that I'm pretty excited about it all. I feel highly motivated and inspired. So here are the components that I've come up with for the New Patty. After a few staff developments, conversations, reflections, and I suppose divine intervention I'm living life to the fullest and without regrets.

• Health: I have chosen not to follow any particular weight loss program. Instead I am doing my research and just being healthier. I am including my return to Curves, my evening walking dates with my dad, my better eating habits, getting the right amount of sleep, and the necessary visits to doctors, dentists, and dermatologists to ensure I'm on the right path. The difference this time around is that I have no set goal, only to be healthier. My issue with goals, in my experience, is that when I don't reach it I get discouraged. So I don't have a target weight in mind. And let's be real here, at this point any weight loss would be a success. I'm just going to enjoy the work outs and walks and the wiser eating choices. Below is one of the most recent pictures of me. It was taken at my birthday party in January. See what I mean by any weight loss would be a success?
  

• Entertainment: I will admit that I have become rather lazy. I am typically on my laptop, watching TV (Go Spurs Go), movies, or something of the sorts. Something new my cousin and I want to do is go out to eat at local places, and not the chain restaurants. At the same time, even though it will be so hard, I want to learn to eat healthy while I'm out. Secondly, there are also so many opportunities to see different shows and bands. Lastly, I want to go to movies alone. I've always wanted to and hey...I'm independent and confident so I am going to do it.

• Recreation: I want to get out in the city and do things that I know are out there. And the thing I'm feeling great about is that I may have to do them alone and I don't mind. I also want to get to know my city so when my friends from San Antonio or my boyfriend come into town I can show them the best places to go. I'll be sure to post some great finds in my city. The other recreational thing I want to do is consistently work on my scrapbooking, card making, and jewelry making. When I get to do my arts and crafts I find it very therapeutic. But once I start I can't stop and then that takes the fun out of it. So I figured if I limit myself to one a weekend then I can concentrate on what I'm making and it'll be enjoyable.
  

• Personal Growth: I love to read. I love to read children's books, magazines, and a few adult books. I also want to volunteer at different places. I already donate money to many causes so now I should look into donating my time. A couple of places I've considered are the local Breast Cancer branch and the local USO and work with the military. Honestly, I've been too lazy to do it. But since I'm embarking on a new adventure and I guess this is the best time to do it. I've thought for a while that I need to spend a little less time on my computer too. Filling up that time with reading and volunteering will help my soul become healthier.
  

• Professional Growth: I need to continue to read books or attend staff development that will help me be a better teacher and future administrator. How ironic that some of these same staff developments are what inspired me to become the New Patty. So in the end it's not just about becoming a better teacher or administrator but a better me.
  

• Financial Fitness: What can I say? I need to save, save, save for a rainy day. I guess my entertainment and recreational components better be cheap...yeah right!

Question. Do y'all think I should write a weekly post journaling my weekly progress? Maybe it would help me to reflect on what I did and what I can do better. Let me know what y'all think.

These are my components for a healthier and happier Patty. I challenge all of you to check up on me and keep me accountable for any of them. As I like to think of it...even if I am physically alone on this adventure I am not alone because I have the support of my friends. So thanks for caring.

Let the adventure begin!!!

New Patty Update

I just wanted to share with everyone that I'm currently working on my "New Patty" post. It's a lengthy one and I'm putting a lot of thought into. Be patient and it'll be up soon.

Thanks for the support. I'm very excited about it all.